Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
