I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize