Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
