I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
