It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
