I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
