Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
