Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
