Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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