I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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