the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this beer tastes like vomit already
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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