We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
