Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
