ya dads aren't the best wingmen
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can I color on your dick again?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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