Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
