Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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