but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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