JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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