Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
