I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
