I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
