Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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