I can't watch pbs sober anymore
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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