the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
