I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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