you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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