The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
