You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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