I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
