I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
