If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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