the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Michael Bay diarrhea
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
