I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
