Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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