i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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