Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
