smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
