Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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