What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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