So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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