If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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