I heard we made out
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
