I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
