I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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