i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
