is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
