Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
