How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
