I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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