just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
