He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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