I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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