I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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