Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
