I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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