the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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