Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sarcasm needs its own font
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
