I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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