Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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