He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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