just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
