I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am one with the molecules
Dicks are not precious.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
