Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
