tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
